Thursday, June 5, 2008

Rejected Headlines, 1st Week of June, 2008

2Pac|man Allowed 2 Practice (or) Pacman Hits Field, Hookers
Why it didn't make it: Who would want to insult the ghost of 2pac? We were thinking of going with a story about Pacman Jones scaring his team and his posse playing in Dallas as the linebacking core, but we weren't real sure how much we could stretch out the over-done Pacman-is-an-idiot jokes. Just in case we weren't clear: Adam Jones is an idiot.

Tupac Shakur interview with Arsenio Hall 1994
Pacman Hits Field, TO gets Deal

Irrelevant Northern-Only Sport Observing Championship
Why it didn't make it: First of all, only two of you would have actually got it, and those two of you would have been further alienated by our no-hockey policy. What I'd like to know is how this sport is surviving with half the audience of the Outdoor Channel's "American Rifleman" but with none of an actual relevant sports viewing audience: the lower 48. Btw, Detroit won it, for the bazillionth time.

Wingin it: Detroit Wins it All
Hockey Fans, Protectors of the Wilderness

Travis Henry Cut, Not His Vasa Deferentia
Why it didn't make it: Do you guys even know what a Vasa Deferentia is? I had to google image just to be sure and I would advise against it. And not that we think we're better than that, but when Maurice Clarrett looks like a better pickup for the Broncos than this dipstick, there has to be a better story than the worn out busted condom jokes.

Bonds Can't Find Anything on TV, Media Actually At Fault This Time
Why it didn't make it: What else needs to be said? We could paint a nice picture for you, him sitting on the couch, coming down from a fresh 'roid rage, looking for a nice episode of What Not to Wear, and maybe we could photoshop his size-22 dome and how it might be effecting the TV signal, but none of this would bring anything new to the table that the headline wouldn't already.

Notes to our audience:
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If we haven't offended you at least once since you started reading our site, keep coming back. We'll find a way.


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