Three If By Hardwood

After nearly 350 years, a Beantown sports team finally succeeded enough to have a shot at a title.

The Celtics have ended Boston's long nightmare of no-title-game shame by earning a berth in the NBA Finals.

Boston, a quaint New-England township of modest means and even more modest citizens, has long struggled for success in many areas, including Independence, cultural relevance, influential citizens, interesting accents, and not being New Amsterdam.

Those struggles have never been more palpable than in team athletic activities. While some claim that this charming coastal trade village has given birth to these sporting events, getting to the title game has alluded all of them.

Youklis' Beard, a combination pub and privateering outfitter, was filled with locals that have suffered with their teams on the night of the Celtics new-found success.


Remembering his town's shame, the barkeep offered, "the Red Stockings are bad enough, but those pig-pisser-tossin' Patriots couldn't buy a win if the King ordered it stationed in their houses!"

Needless to say, Boston and her success-starved citizens have been waiting for an excruciatingly long time for a title game. The same barkeep echoed what many around here have been feeling, "It was a curse I tell ya! We should've never let [Paul] Revere go to Lexington. Nothing good has come since."

A fitting end to the centuries-old drought, the township's least successful team (The Legendarily Bad Boston Celtics) will be the one that gets to finally hang the title game lanterns aloft.