Pujols Feels Bad For Pitcher's Face, OBPA

"I wish it would have gone somewhere else ... instead of hitting somebody in the face," Albert Pujols confessed Friday, after planting a line drive on Chris Young's nose last Wednesday night.

Seeing the blood spurt from Young's face left Pujols badly shaken, and he couldn't get on base for the rest of the night in good conscience. The remarkably gritty first baseman acknowledged that his OBP had been a downright-insulting .479 for the season.

"I know I've been pretty insensitive to pitchers for much of my career," a regretful Pujols admitted. He currently ranks as the third-best right hander of all time for OBP (minimum 3000 PA) and resides in the top twenty of all time for batters on both sides of the plate, somewhere between Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle.

Even more insulting to pitchers everywhere is Pujols' career slugging percentage (.619) that ranks only behind three of the greatest hitters of all time: Babe Ruth, Ted Williams, and Lou Gehrig.

For one night, he couldn't bring himself to add insult to injury. "It's one thing to mess up his grill, but another thing entirely to rub his OBPA in his face."

Almost a week later, Albert is still suffering from the shock of exploding his opposing pitcher's face and has lost a full .005 off of his OBP. This brings his season OBP down to .474.

[ed: Young's OBPA currently .338]