No More Heroes

Apparently Albert Pujols isn't that interesting.

A-Rod hasn't earned hero status yet. The Yankees average start doesn't have every single one of us glued to our sets. None of this compares to our angelic heroes of the late nineties and early aughts of Bonds, McGuire, and Clemens.

At least that's what Mike Celizic suggests in his latest of innocent baseball musings.

First he waxes nostalgic about the Wonder Years when Kevin Bonds Arnold & Winnie McGuire Cooper were hitting those heroic and clutch-tastic home runs that had us all wondering when Kev's older brother Wayne Clemens would hopefully come in and charge the batter rather than the other way around. Moments we didn't want to miss indeed! Oh yeah, he almost forgot to mention that they "might" have had a 'roid issue.

Good ol' Mike spends the rest of his time realizing his grievous error of ignoring today's gritalicious and clutcherific stories. He does his best to apologize and acknowledge-if-we-have-to: Cliff Lee doing his best Cy Young impersonation, Brandon Webb is getting an 8-and-O-K start I guess, and there might be decent batting going on with some cat named Pujols and his whole getting-on-base-every-other-at-bat thing.

You see, this silly sport just isn't worth watching without our juiced up heroes. Fifty home runs is ho-hum and sitting through a boring complete game shut out is booooooring. Our modern great pitchers can't strike out 20 per game, Mike? Really? The other three times it happened in baseball history must've really impressed you.

And Grandma Maddux is sitting on 250 wins. That's pretty good for an old guy. Wait...you mean THREE HUNDRED FIFTY, right? Right. Blame the fact-checker, I say. We have heroes to worship!