Gritty & Clutch

Announcing Two Out Rally, Baseball MMORPG

2010-03-13T02:46:00.002-06:00

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What is Two Out Rally?
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Two Out Rally is a massively-multiplayer online baseball role playing game. More explicitly, it's an online baseball game where tons of fans just like you can create players, manage teams, and rise to the top of the leagues by crushing the competition.

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Tell me more.
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Create: Each member of Two Out Rally starts as a scout, and in that role can create players. Choose position, left or right handedness, background, style of play, and attributes depending on exactly what type of player you want. Unlike other MMOs, there are no useless stats! All decisions matter and they all affect the game in different ways.

Coach: Another aspect of Two Out Rally is the ability to train your players and improve their various attributes. As they level up, your training regimen can produce awesome results on the field! Coach your players up and see the results.

Conquer: As scouts gain influence, they can eventually use that to be the GM or Owner of a team. In that role, you take over all aspects of team operation, like finding/acquiring talent, managing contracts, daily lineups, defensive alignments, etc. Manage a successful team and conquer the competition!

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What do I do now?
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Two Out Rally is nearing an Alpha release in April 2010--and we're looking for Alpha testers. We're looking for all sorts of players: those that have done previous testing, those that haven't, those that love baseball, and even some that don't.

If you're interested in Alpha Testing (and getting a jump on the competition as well as some admin-approved bonuses), sign up by posting over at our Facebook fan page. Just throw up a "I'd like to alpha test!" on the wall and we'll make sure and contact you when it opens.

I simply cannot wait to tell you more, but I can't give everything away up front--some of these game functions should really impress you, but some things will remain secret for as long as possible.

Until then, check out:
twooutrally.com <-- watch for updates.
Two Out Rally Facebook Fan page<-- become a fan, check out screen shots, and learn more about the game
Two Out Rally Twitter Page <-- watch for clues about the history of Two Out Rally's awesome world.
contact@twooutrally.com < -- Want to be a tester but afraid of social media? Email us!

Billy Butler: Hall of Famer

2009-08-21T17:30:00.005-05:00

There, I said it. Previously I indicated (when comparing Billy Butler to Dave Winfield of all people) that Billy would one day hit 30 HR in a season. Sort of a lukewarm prediction for a first baseman in the modern era, don’t you think? Sure, it’s six away from the franchise’s all time leader, that legendary slugger Steve Balboni, but saying the Royals are a bit historically lacking in that particular department is like saying that the Burj Al Arab in Dubai is a hotel. So here's going out on a limb a little bit.

The basic premise of the initial argument was why Dave Winfield was an excellent Billy Butler comp by age. But who cares? That dude who hit a sausage with a bat was a top 20 comparable last year. Prince Fielder’s his number two (who certainly at least has a more similar body type to Butler than Winfield) and there was no discussion his age 23 season whether he would ever one day hit 30 bombs – he hit 50 that year.

But something changed this season, and went off the projection in a big way … and it was extra base power, just not in the way that most would notice. The man was projected to hit around 30 doubles. As of this writing, he’s now on pace for the mid 50s. Everything else (the AVG, OBP, and SLG are almost exactly as projected) is just pretty much who we thought he would be, while hoping for more.

So what does hitting that amount of doubles mean to a player of Butler’s age (23) or younger? Microsoft Excel, some google fu, and a plain ole’ desktop calculator helped me put it into context.

If Billy Butler can accomplish this very reasonable feat, does he continue to compare with a Hall of Famer?

(click to enlarge)*

No. He compares to dozens of them.

And he shares the top ten list with four.

One of them isn’t just a Hall of Famer, but one of the greatest of all time. Another was arguably the best overall player of two different decades. One was the greatest offensive player in the most difficult run scoring environment since the deadball era. And even those who didn’t make it – one was because of injuries that derailed a sure thing. And the worst among that top 10 company had 1800 career base hits and 4 all star appearances.

Just off the top 10 list are guys like A-Rod and Albert Pujols and Ted Williams. If you expand it to age 25 and younger, George Brett in 1978 is right there. So is Hank Aaron in the late 50s. In fact, the whole qualifying list basically reads like an almanac of baseball history. These are most of the greatest players in the game starting just before World War 2. And Billy would rank tied for 5th. Unless he completely falls off a cliff, he’s going to land in the top 30 or so. That’s not good company, it's legendary.

Look for yourself -->

So to address the intial premise (the Seagull conundrum if you will), did any of these guys go on to hit 30 HR in a single season? To make this completely fair, I’d have to do park and year adjustments, but frankly there’s no need. Vada Pinson never made it, but he hit in the 20s regularly, and his prime was in the long ball killing 1960s. Every single other player in the top 10 did.

This should be a world of good news for Royals fans. But there’s an aspect of it all that makes me very sad … Butler is clearly the wrong player for the wrong time. He’s built almost perfectly in the mold of the 1970s and 1980s line drive, high Batting average sluggers. The Tony Gwynns. The Robin Younts. Even the George Bretts. This is the ultimate testament to a franchise stuck completely in the past, in that their best player, their pride and joy, could be a three time MVP … if he played in Fulton County Stadium or the Houston Astrodome, wearing ugly horizontal stripes and an unflattering adjustable waistband. Their other potentially developing offensive star is more of the modern mold – walks, strikeouts, and homers … and Alex Gordon just got sent back to Triple A.

A commenter on the Winfield / Butler comparison asked if I believed that the comp could indicate that Billy would have a long career, much like Winfield did. I indicated that I didn’t believe it was possible, that Billy’s athleticism and build would eventually hold him back. I no longer fully believe that.

This study has convinced me that Billy, unlike the discipline and power mold (the old player skills) has an ability set that passes the test of time. Even the worst comps mostly had very long careers. The power may come and then go again, like so many players, but while muscles fade in the 30s (those of us there can testify to this), the eyesight lasts until 45 or so. And that gives a player like Billy an awful lot of time to compile 3,000 hits. And there’s still going to be enough aging sentimental sportswriters around that believe in the magic number, and they’re going to give Billy the nod.

Viva la Billy Butler. Hall of Fame class of 2032.

* Projected total for 2009 for players under 25

Introducing: Adjusted Doubles

2009-08-21T15:14:00.005-05:00

Behold a limited utility addition to the baseball statistical lexicon: the Adjusted Double, hereafter referred to at least on G&C as a2b.

So what is a2b? How is it calculated? More importantly, why is it calculated? One question answered at a time.

Specifically, a2b is the number of doubles hit for a player if he were playing in the American League in a neutral park in 1980. A2b is similar to EQA or OPS+ in that it is adjusted to account for the context of the year and the ballparks of that time.

Important differences in the calculation, however, are that it accounts for doubles alone, and no other offensive factors. This leads to some different park factors (best all time doubles park: Fenway park for righties), and year adjustments, which are available from the always estimable www.baseball-reference.com. Because of the vast differences of modern parks (you know, like the customary outfield wall), I only used years from 1940 onward.

And as for the why: you’ll find out tonight.

>>>

NL CENTRAL: Ultimate Zone Rating Comparison

2009-08-19T23:56:00.002-05:00

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Getting Your Money's Worth: New York Yankees

2009-08-18T14:11:00.010-05:00

There's been a lot of web noise recently regarding some enthusiastic support for Mark Teixeira as a front runner for the American League's Most Valuable Player award. It's important to note that VOC is by no means a good indicator as to likely or deserving candidates for this award: pure worth is the only indication. If a player worth 40 million dollars gets paid 40 million, he's the MVP (or at least a strong candidate), at a VOC of 0. I think that's an important disclaimer for all teams, but particularly for this money-gusher of a franchise.

So do the Yankees get their due? I don't mind saying I was surprised. Chart get!

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Of the teams where I was anticipating writing a paragraph or two describing a VOC of 0 as still being a winning franchise if the team spends enough, the Yanks outdo me. I'd still believe they're probably in the bottom half of getting their money's worth, but hey, it's a lot of money, and while studying the reasons they are in the black, I learned something interesting: in many ways they are financially more prudent than many teams spending much, much less. Let's start with this guy:

SP Chien-Ming Wang
2009 Salary: 5.0 million
2009 Performance: .55 million
2009 Anticipated Performance: .55 million (season ending surgery)
2009 VOC: -4.55 million

Before drawing up the numbers, this is one of four team numbers I was anxious to see (not coincidentally, these are the players I discuss!). I was really quite surprised that despite his really legendary failures this year, Wang ended up being almost exactly at replacement level. How on Earth did this happen? This is how.

The Yankees end up often not spending as foolishly as other teams because the money is almost meaningless to them. Taken out of the equation, they can evaluate on a case by case basis and are never afraid to pull the plug on a player who isn't living up to their expectation, regardless of salary. Of course they don't want to sign a 25 man roster of Carl Pavanos, but a 5 million sunk cost doesn't phase them in the least. They simply move to a replacement level option or to the free agent wire or to a trade. But in all manners of speech, they move on.

Cheaper teams (see Royals, Kansas City) will give high paid albatrosses every possible chance to succeed and then some(see Guillen, Jose), and will have that player dig such a hole that it's almost impossible to get out of. If Guillen hadn't left the clubhouse this year, he'd value at -12.0 million. If Chien-Ming Wang played for the Royals, he'd Jose Lima his way to a -15, hurting himself more in the process, before they pulled the plug. But the Yankees gave him some work in the pen (where he put up a bit of good value, actually) and then shut him down. It reveals teams like the Royals as the very definition of penny-wise and pound-foolish.

SS Derek Jeter
2009 Salary: 20.0 million
2009 Value to Date: 22.70 million
2009 Projected Value: 31.43 million
2009 VOC: 11.43 million

Statistically-inclined analysts get a lot of flack for their abuse of the quintessential Yankee regarding his defense, so when the chance comes to acquiesce, we should probably take it. G&C predominately uses UZR as it's defensive measurement, but Dewan plus/minus agrees on this point as well: Derek Jeter has steadily improved at defense the last two years and is now playing the best of his career.

Whether this is an indication that the average shortstop has just fallen off a cliff or Jeter has actually made these adjustments himself is completely immaterial. We will compare a man to his peers, and Jeter is looking really good right now. The man clearly loves the new Yankee stadium and is the single most valuable member of this team, and a legitimate MVP candidate. For a legend nearing the end of his career, this is the time to honor him: when he actually deserves it the most.

3B Alex Rodriguez
2009 Salary: 32.0 million
2009 Value to Date: 12.10 million
2009 Projected Value: 16.10 million
2009 VOC: -15.25 million

It's hard to call this contract a turkey, despite it's ludicrously high, almost ridiculous numbers, for the reasons mentioned above. He obviously can't live up to this number this year because of the high margin of time missed due to injury, so there's no fair game in lambasting the fellow. He's actually been the 5th most productive member of this team, which accounting for the missed time, is truly remarkable.

If Pujols has this contract, he's of mid-level value, and he's been healthy and just butchering the ball. But that's the problem with the contract itself: He absolutely has to be that good, for that long, to make himself worth it in the truest sense, and this gives an idea of just how hard that is to do at the very top level of income.

And lastly, the man of the discussion of the hour ....

1B Mark Teixeira
2009 Salary: 20 million
2009 Value to Date: 17.20 million
2009 Projected Value: 23.82 million

Again, the Yankees just want the big production, and don't care where it comes from or how efficient it is. Teixeira is in all likelihood not going to get any better than this. He's been remarkably consistent for most of his career, and is just a better paid, more visible example of himself. This is cliche by now, but it's cliche because it's true: Mark Teixeira is a very good player. Mark Teixeira is not even the MVP of his own team, let alone the American League.

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On these big contracts, if they are going to zero out by the time the curtain closes, you are mostly counting on big production in the early years, closest to the player's prime to carry the weight of the backend years. Mark Teixeira is in the first year of a monstrous, long deal. Mark Teixeira is also 29. There's reason to believe he'll age a lot better than Giambi did in pinstripes (even though Jason actually nearly validated his contract) because of his better athleticism and defense, and accounting for inflation it wasn't as expensive of a deal, but Yankees fans should just get accustomed to the fact that a lot of this will be sunk cost in about 6 years. You just have to hope that general inflation keeps up with his decline.

Concerning Randy Wolf's Day

2009-08-17T13:22:00.007-05:00

As I browse around my favorite numbers-laden corners of the web, it seems that no one is as fascinated with last night's Dodgers-Diamondbacks game as I am. Are my eyes deceiving me? Or was Wolf's performance last night on the very cusp of all time greatness?

Randy Wolf (Aug. 17 vs. Diamondbacks)
On the mound: 7.2 IP, 5 H, 3 ER, 0 BB, 10 K, 1 HR

At the plate: 3/4, 2B, HR, 3 RBI

... and it's probably better than it looks. If not for what seemed like sheer physical exhaustion (he'd had a long day), Wolf looked unhittable before the 8th: 4 of those hits including the HR coming in that final 2/3 of an inning. So assuming Joe Torre removes Wolf after the 7th, here's the pitching line:

7 IP, 1 H, 0 ER, 0 BB, 10 K.

Between the 1st inning with one out and the end of the 7th, no batters reached against him. 20 retired in a row. 74% of a perfect game was thrown in the same period that the pitcher fell a triple shy of hitting for the cycle. Simply amazing.

Small caveat here: Wolf's double came in the top of the 8th inning, so Torre would have had to leave him in to bat in this situation to complete the offensive leg of this feat. In retrospect, it's probably running out that very double that finished off that last bit of gas.

So if Randy Wolf could have finished off 7 additional hitters without allowing a hit (a feat accomplished in 49% of games played this year) and hit a triple, would this have been considered the single best performance by a player well ... ever?

If a PA can reasonably be considered 20% of a hitter's offensive day, an equivalent number of batters faced for a pitcher would be around 5-6. So for a hitter facing an equally improbably milestone, he was the equivalent of just one appearance away as both a hitter and a pitcher from completing a feat unlikely to ever be matched again.

I'm still in a pattern of trying to capture the scope of just what we're talking about here. Has a pitcher hit for the cycle before? He has - although Jimmy Ryan was primarily a centerfielder for the Cubs ... in 1888.

Perfect games? We know what those look like, thanks to Mark Beurhle earlier this year ... only the 16th one of those in Major League history. So how on Earth could you quantify those two feats? It is the very peak of not one but two types of performance.

Vince Young in the 2006 Rose Bowl? 467 total yards of offense. Best ever in a BCS championship game. But even just accomplishing those feats with his arm would pale in comparison. He'd have to compile two historic days into one. Something like 500 yards passing and 200 yards rushing. That's possible ... if he stays at home instead and plays the game on the XBox. With twenty minute quarters. And playing against a roommate using the broken controller.

Muhammad Ali vs. Cleveland Williams in Houston, 1966? A third round knockout where your opponent lands approximately one punch? Maybe if Williams' trainer was allowed to fight alongside him simultaneously.

Wilt Chamberlain's 100 points? Only if it comes with 20 blocked shots and rebounds, and 8 women after the game. Okay, that last part probably happened.

Ferris Beuhler? Maybe if he was used as a relief pitcher for the Cubs that day.

All in all, it's actually a tragic story. At the end, it's a really good game, one the annals of baseball are chock full of. Randy Wolf just got the five lottery numbers without hitting the Powerball, and got the 200,000 dollars. And his family can all celebrate, and he'll be a human interest story on a drab local news broadcast, and he can buy that new car he's always wanted and have a nice party.

But if you're in his shoes, how do you not spend the rest of your life wondering what happens if that last little red ball had blown into place, exchanging that nice new sedan in for a nice new oh, private island? This is probably the legacy of Randy Wolf that I will remember. And unfortunately, no one else.

Getting Your Money's Worth: St. Louis Cardinals

2009-08-15T14:37:00.005-05:00

This is a difficult post to write, just because the team has Albert Pujols on it.

Writing objective analysis about Pujols is like critiquing literature when discussing Thomas Pynchon or music when debating Bob Dylan. There are just so many superlatives after all, and they've all been used up. No one reading this doesn't know that Albert Pujols is a fantastic player. They've seen countless studies showing that he far surpasses his peers, year-by-year breakdowns with how he compares to the best first basemen of all time, offensively and defensively. Versus other right handed hitters. Versus the greatest at any position. The universal glow is going to make it difficult to sleep soon. The world doesn't need another one of those articles to be convinced. I'll just let his position on JB's chart speak for itself, and address a couple of other players.

(click to enlarge)

Best 2009 contract (non-Pujols division): SP Adam Wainright

2009 salary: 2.8 million
2009 Projected Value: 23.31 million
2009 VOC: 20.51 million

This number is actually even better today, as I drew them up before his performance last night against the Padres. Wainwright has now gone 23 straight starts of 6 innings or more. He also will probably pass his career high in IP and pitch counts, and doesn't have that long of a track record as a starter, so the normal injury red flags for the next 2 years still apply. Still, the 4 year deal has looked like a real winner and even if he sat out the next 2 full seasons, he's earned his keep already.

Biggest 2009 Contract Turkey (most certainly a non-Pujols division):

SS Khalil Greene

2009 Salary: 6.5 million
2009 Projected Value: -2.9 million
2009 VOC: -9.48

I appreciate the concept of buying low. Greene came off a 2008 with the Padres with severely diminished offensive and defensive value, and despite being two years off his theoretical peak, looked to rebound with the bat somewhat by avoiding playing in godawful offensive environment Petco Park. Even the 6.5 million dollar pricetag seemed reasonable for a player who most of his career was around a league average shortstop.

(click to enlarge)

Now the only bright light on his season is the Jeremy Giambi effect. The continued downward trend of his offense (.206/.281/.362) is salvagable and probably due for positive regression due to a healty walk rate, a robust ISO, and a grotesquely unlucky BABIP of .269. But the defensive range is completely gone (UZR/150 of -25.4, 60% worse than last year, his previous career low), and if a position change is pending, he's never made enough contact to justify hanging around on a Major League field. I think he probably has one year left to turn it around, before this surfer dude's tide goes permanently out.*

I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but he's still more valuable than Yuniesky Betancourt, and no one would have dreamed of giving up a good pitching prospect for him.

Billy Butler: One of These Things Is Like the Other...

2009-08-12T23:08:00.004-05:00

… at least according to the Baseball Prospectus Player Comparison Model. This model compares a player’s age, size, handedness, position and tendencies in the core batting elements that BP tracks, which are BA (Batting Average), ISO (Isolated Slugging), BB (Walk Rate), K (Strikeout Rate), and SPD (general foot speed and baserunning acumen).

So for those of you without a paid account or unwilling to risk minor copyright infringement, who would you guess to be Butler’s most comparable player at this age throughout history? Two years ago Albert Pujols was his number 3, that tenuous connection long dashed by a higher BMI and quite a bit less “oomph” in the bat.*

*In Albert Pujols’ age 23 season, he hit .359/.439/.667, won a batting title, and finished 2nd in the MVP voting. While we discuss optimistically how Billy will turn some of his doubles into HR, Pujols hit 43 HR … and still led the league with 51 doubles. Unreal.

So we have to settle for a new comp. How bad is this going to get? A number of Kansas City fans are seeing another Mike Sweeney, a big, pudgy faced right-hander incapable of handling the field and heading for a number of sore back days on the DL. This is not a fan base accustomed to being optimistic.

Maybe Ken Harvey? Heavy, slow, limited defensively, had some nice moments. Baseball Reference certainly seems to think so, based on career to date statistics, a pretty useless measurement for a just turned 23 year old.

So how about a Hall of Famer instead of a future one? A player who put up 3000 plus hits, over 1000 of them for extra bases? Who made 12 All Star games and won 7 Gold Gloves (okay, PECOTA doesn’t pretend to be a defensive forecaster)? A player who was still an effective hitter into his 40s? It would be hard to turn down such a resume, and you shouldn’t. So unless you have a BP account, you probably wouldn’t have guessed this player, because it’s physically an impossibility for anyone to be called his comparable in physical prowess and look any less like Billy Butler.

I give you Dave Winfield, college basketball star, terrific all around athlete, first ballot Hall of Fame class of 2001.

So let’s break this puzzlement down a bit.

22 year old Dave Winfield: .265/.318/.438, 20 HR, 18 2B, OPS+ 115

22 year old Billy Butler: .275/.324/.400, 11 HR, 22 2B, OPS+ 94

Hello increased run scoring environment of 2008 vs. 1974, just a few years removed from the 2nd deadball era. But wait, there’s more. Winfield played in 30 more games. And San Diego Stadium, where Winfield played at home (later known as Qualcomm) was a much better HR environment than Petco is now, which may explain the exchange of 2B for HR. All in all, pretty spot on. Almost identical walk rates (.053 vs. .049), Batting Averages, the lot. Interestingly, Butler was a more valuable base stealer, via the Wargames alternative – for him, the way to win was not to play. One attempted steal all year (he was caught), while Winfield attempted 16 times and got caught 7, wiping out his 9 successes and more of his value from OBP in the process. So how is this projection holding up? And how does Billy’s immediate future look when compared to the man Goerge Steinbrenner famously dubbed Mr. May?

Dave Winfield (ages 23-29)

23 1975 .267 .354 .403, 15 HR, 20 2B, 116 OPS+
24 1976 .283 .366 .431, 13 HR, 26 2B, 135 OPS+
25 1977 .275 .335 .467, 25 HR, 29 2B, 123 OPS+
26 1978 .308 .367 .499, 24 HR, 30 2B, 151 OPS+
27 1979 .308 .395 .558, 34 HR, 27 2B, 166 OPS+ (league leader)
28 1980 .276 .365 .450, 20 HR, 25 2B, 133 OPS+
29 1981 .294 .360 .464, 13 HR, 25 2B, 139 OPS+ (injury shortened season)

Pretty encouraging. At his typical player peak, he hit 34 HR, which was no joke in the ballparks and environment of the late 1970s. We can easily see that the extra base hit total did continue to increase, which should give the Royals hope for the best pure hitter their system has produced in at least a decade.

This is technically considered Billy’s age 23 season, so let’s see how he measures up so far.

23 2009 .300 .355 .481, 13 HR, 36 2B, 120 OPS+

Accounting for differences in era, this comp definitely gets the thumbs up for it’s first year of projection: that is almost exactly the player. But how about a look into the immediate future? Is Billy Butler going to finish 3rd in the MVP discussion at 26, like his lanky counterpart? Hey, this comp promises us there are about 2800 base hits to go. But since we can reasonably assume that if Billy Butler turns into a future Hall of Fame player, greener pastures are in his future. Let’s assume the Royals can sign a long term deal and take 2 years of FA away, taking him through 29, just past the apex of his theoretical peak to the vast (in Winfield’s case, practically endless) decline beyond.

A fair disclaimer for these long term projections: like the 7 day weather forecast or visiting the fortune teller, it’s a fun exercise, but don’t change your plans. These projections were made before the season, and included this year, so it could be fun to include them, see how close they are, maybe validate the process a bit.

2009 (age 23) .291 .352 .458 , 15 HR, 29 2B
2010 (age 24) .289 .355 .454 , 16 HR, 32 2B
2011 (age 25) .294 .358 .465 , 17 HR, 31 2B
2012 (age 26) .293 .362 .468 , 18 HR, 31 2B
2013 (age 27) .293 .364 .457 , 16 HR, 29 2B
2014 (age 28) .298 .365 .403 , 18 HR, 29 2B
2016 (age 29) .302 .371 .491 , 18 HR, 28 2B

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First of all, note how close the first two parts of the triple slash stats are. The difference is slugging, and it’s almost entirely related to two baggers. The Home Run projection looks solid.But the doubles projection was based on a player who showed decline in extra base hit power over the first two years of his career in a pretty large sample size of AB, giving the system some reason to believe that his power had, if not peaked, certainly showed it’s limitations. But Butler has a good 40 games to go, and has already surpassed that projection by 24%. Considering how close PECOTA is on the rest of his skillset, what does this do to his projection?

(click to enlarge)

Good things. Lots of them. Better hitters get more walks. A skyrocketing line drive percentage (the most important aspect of hitting a double) drives up batting averages. A common adage says that a player under 25 who hits 40 or more doubles will have almost exactly 50% of those past a certain number (usually around 15, which accounts for bloopers down the line and lucky breaks in the OF) will turn into HR. Reference Dave Winfield’s line as he ages to see this happen.

So fine, here's some good news. Short version of the story: Pending his health, Billy Butler will hit 30 HR in the major leagues someday very soon. And he may be six-foot-six. And seagulls should be terrified of him.

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WAR vs. Wins - An American League Study

2009-08-09T17:41:00.004-05:00

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Getting Your Money's Worth: The Resulting Laughter

2009-08-05T22:15:00.010-05:00

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Notes:
Projected Value Over Contract = (Projected Value - Contract)
Projected Value = 2009 Performance to date extrapolated through the end of the season.

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Notes:
44.7% of all payroll tied up in Jose Guillen, Gill Meche, Coco Crisp, and Kyle Farnsworth.

For reference, please refer to the brilliant research and analysis by JWF:

Getting Your Money's Worth Part I: The Setup
Getting Your Money's Worth Part II: The Punchline

Getting Your Money's Worth: The Punchline

2009-08-05T05:01:00.007-05:00

Now things start to shape up, and like a strip club in the daylight, it's way uglier than it seemed before. This is still made using best available payroll information and Wins Above Replacement Level.

The "A" Team (Players Acquired by the Royals under former GM / Team President Allard Baird)

Total Salary: 15.19 million (counting only players currently on the 25 man roster)

Total 2009 Value to Date: 44.3
Total 2009 Projected Value: 51.2
Total Return: 36.01

The "D" Students (Players Acquired by Dayton Moore):

Total Salary: 68.15
Total 2009 Value To Date: 33.2
Total 2009 Projected Value: 38.8
Total Return: -44.8

In non-Betancourt related material, this is the most damning piece of evidence I've seen. And it's worth noting that the prized shortstop in question isn't even included in this, due to negligible pay to date and an uncertain salary arrangement from the Mariners. But it does include a great year from Bannister. And Gil Meche's work. And Joakim Soria. There's just no hiding what a catastrophic failure Dayton Moore is at acquiring talent for the major league level.

This team has the 15th highest payroll in the league, and by value in investment should have the 25th best record. (Which is pretty darn close, actually. As per my Pythagorean post, they are slightly underperforming.)

If you take away Zack Grienke's contribution , this team is not just the worst in the league, but one of the worst of all time.

Getting Your Money's Worth

2009-08-05T03:32:00.004-05:00

I want each and every one of you to reference this chart the next time someone complains that the Royals' difficulties arise from a low payroll.

This is a breakdown of the top 10 Royals earners (plus #10's doppleganger), comparing their annual salary to the value of their contributions in pitching, hitting, baserunning, and fielding. I've used Fangraph's numbers for Wins Above Replacement and a portion of Baseball Prospectus' WARP and playing time projection charts. Salary numbers are represented in millions.

1. RF Jose Guillen
Salary: 12.0
2009 Value to Date: (-7.8)
2009 End of Season Projected Value: (-12.6)
Total Return: (-24.6)

You're reading that properly. The only way Jose Guillen breaks even is if another team pays you 12.6 million dollars to play him. It's not a 12 million dollar per year mistake at this point, it's a 25 million a year one.

2. SP Gil Meche
Salary: 11.0
2009 Value to Date: 8.2
2009 Projected Value: 13.3
Total Return: 2.3

Not bad, but this projection assumes that this year isn't over for him because of the flagrant abuse he endured. If it is, you're 2.8 million in the hole, which doesn't look that bad as long as you compare it to Jose Guillen.

3. CF Coco Crisp
Salary: 6.1
2009 Value to Date: 5.6
2009 Projected Value: 5.6
Total Return: (-.5)

Coco's defense was exactly as advertised, but this number doesn't look nearly as good when you consider that the buyout on his option is now a complete certainty and a total sunk cost. In another one of the many sad ways the Royals can be summed up, Crisp is their 2nd most valuable position player despite not having played since early June.

4. RP Kyle Farnsworth
Salary: 4.3
2009 Value To Date: 1.8
2009 Projected Value: 2.1
Total Return: (-2.2)

The 2009 value numbers are based on what turned out to be a very down free agent market. Kyle Farnsworth is the winner of this year's golden goose award, and his contract was already twice too high before the season even got underway. This was like buying a house in Las Vegas in 2007, but the checks still have to cash. Honestly, he's better than I would have anticipated.

5. RP Ron Mahay
Salary: 4.0
2009 Value to Date: (-.5)
2009 Projected Value: (-.8)
Total Return: (-4.8)

6. SP Zack Grienke
Salary: 3.8
2009 Value to Date: 28.8
2009 Projected Value: 38.2
Total Return: 34.4

I could be a killjoy and point out that as absolutely unprecedented as that return is, it will go nothing but down as the backloaded part of the contract approaches and the performance regresses, but I've decided not to be that guy. I'll be this guy instead: What does this team look like without him?

7. LF David DeJesus
Salary: 3.6
2009 Value to Date: 8.0
2009 Projected Value: 9.1
Total Return: 5.5

It's extremely laudable that DeJesus has put up such a high value while posting an OPS+ of 94, particularly at a corner outfield slot. What's making this arrangement work is the best left field defense in the majors, and among the best glove work regardless of position. The Royal regime's long term insistence that David was incapable of playing center field despite evidence for the contrary has clearly been shown as fallacy. At least this year, however, it's hard to cast blame: Coco Crisp is probably the best defensive center fielder in baseball. More on this and how it applies to Zack Grienke later.

8. UTIL Mark Teahen
Salary: 3.6
2009 Value to Date: 5.1
2009 Projected Value: 6.0
Total Return: 2.4

The most valuable player in the majors that nobody seems to want that much, Mark has been quietly solid and has no reason to be ashamed to cash his check. Baserunning still is what moves him from marginal to useful.

9. DH, "1B" Mike Jacobs
Salary: 3.3
2009 Value to Date: (-1.9)
2009 Projected Value: (-3.0)
Total Return: (-6.3)

For comparison, Russ Branyan of the M's:

Salary: 1.4
2009 Value to Date: 11.0
Projected Value: 12.2
Total Return: 13.6

And of course, without the cost of a useful reliever.

Even more telling, Kila Ka'aihue would have had to put up worse offensive numbers than Tony Pena Jr. did in 2008 in order to be less valuable than Jacobs.

10. C John Buck
Salary: 2.9
2009 Value to Date: 2.1
2009 Projected Value: 2.9
Total Return: 0.0

Value for catcher has to be taken with a grain of salt, thanks to woefully imperfect defensive statistics at the position, but Buck is who he's always been: a perfectly average player at his position who seems like he's failing. Plus, this team likes to pay him pretty decent money to backup, even though he offers no complimentary skillset compared to his overstudy. Which brings us to ...

11. C Miguel Olivo
Salary: 2.7
2009 Value to Date: 5.0
2009 Projected Value: 5.5
Total Return: 2.8

Miguel Olivo has some fatal flaws in his offensive game, and they are a perfect reflection of the flaws in the Royals valuations. As such, it's easy to villify but a catcher who hits home runs alone makes him valuable, even if every other skill is completely substandard. Replacement at the position is just that difficult.

Read the follow up HERE.
For pretty charts on the subject, please see THIS.

AL CENTRAL: Ultimate Zone Rating Comparison

2009-08-03T10:06:00.006-05:00

League Average: .003

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The Yuni-Cycle

2009-08-02T00:25:00.004-05:00

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Actions Speak Louder than Words -- and Results Speak for Themselves

2009-08-01T01:28:00.009-05:00

I really hate clichés. I mean I REALLY hate them. They're so often a crutch of those with nothing to say, and worse, they so often conflict with common sense.* "Actions speak louder than words," but "the pen is mightier than the sword." These are the empty words of people attempting to justify their actions.

*The big one around the office right now is, "it is what it is," usually in reference to some unfortunate corporate red tape that can't be overcome. "It is what it is." What the hell does this even mean? Is it really what it is or are you just accepting what it isn't because what is can't be what it's not or...wait. *whew* Let's move on.

So when I hear Dayton Moore tell Royals fans to "trust the process," I think responding with a cliché, like "it is what it is," might be using a crutch when the truth is needed. I'd rather follow up with a more serious response. Questions like, "what actually is the process?" spring immediately to mind.

The problem is that the process is becoming obvious. Dayton Moore likes speed, unless the player is good at stealing bases. He likes guys that have great range, unless they're good at defense. He likes good, hard working, honest guys, unless he has to settle for the me-first 'roiders and drunk drivers. Dayton is focusing on tomorrow and building up the farm leagues, but everything points to him attempting a run in 2010.* And he LOVES some guys that have great On Base Percentage, unless they can draw a walk.

*Walter has something on this coming down the pipe so I'll let him speak to that.

It's the numerous self-evident conflicts that give me pause, and there's only three logical conclusions that I can come up with:

Crazy: He's attempting to rebuild the 1985 World Series Team, Hall-of-Famer be damned. He's ignoring OBP because the '85 team did too. He sees "fast outfielders" and "big outfield" and one Commissioner's Trophy and has assumed that's the only way to do it in KC.
Scary: He's lying. He actually hates the stat-heads because he trusts his eyes. His time spent as a scout was in the grand tradition of trusting your gut, looking for intangibles, and obviously finding guys with lots of grit (of which only scouts that ride minor league busses learn the recipe to).
Sad: He actually doesn't have a plan. He doesn't have a strategy, an overarching theme, a comprehensive logical program built to rebuild this sad franchise and turn it into a perpetual contender.

Now, I don't believe any of those. The truth probably lies somewhere in the middle; he knows the Kauffman Stadium quirkiness requires two center fielders, he probably doesn't trust sabermetrician's conclusions completely, and his plan may have gone to hell when he realized he couldn't bring in the pieces he wanted at a fair price. Let's give him what little benefit of the doubt he deserves.

But let us not be fooled. On base percentage is not a priority for Dayton Moore, regardless of 'the process.' To fall back on those damnable clichés again, let's let his actions speak louder than his words.

Let the results speak for themselves.

(click to enlarge)

Tinkering with Pythagorean Expectation, Now With 80% less math

2009-07-31T13:32:00.006-05:00

One of the original great Bill James ideas was a formula using runs scored for and runs allowed by a team to determine what their win-loss record should have been, rather than what it actually was. This notably identified factors of luck to determine whether a team left untouched likely were better or worse than they had appeared to be, as explained HERE.

(2003-2004 Royals fans may be a bit touchy about just how big of an effect this can be).

One of the biggest issues with traditional Pythag expectation was that the importance of statistical outliers could not be minimized in the greater calculation, and could be misleading regarding the team's greater success and how much random chance had to do with it (we've all seen it before: consider a pitcher with a high ERA in which it really was the result of one disastrous start rather than an actual consistent level of mediocre or poor play. That ERA is not indicative of what sort of performance you are likely to get - for reference, see the 2009 line of Ricky Nolasco)

Or, in our own context, a fictional week of games between two teams, the Warriors and the Aztecs:

Game 1: Warriors 18, Aztecs 0
Game 2: Warriors 2, Aztecs 4
Game 3: Warriors 0, Aztecs 1
Game 4: Warriors 4, Aztecs 5
Game 5: Warriors 13, Aztecs 8

Over these 5 games, the Warriors scored 37 total runs (7.4 per game) and allowed 18 (3.6 per).

Without doing a single bit of math, given those numbers, you would expect the Warriors to be a winning team (scoring 205% more than you allow is a good way to do that). The traditional formula says the Warriors should be 4-1 over this period, and yet they are 2-3, thanks to a couple of games of extremely high offense tilting the numbers.

In just a simple 5 game series, the formula is at -2. If similar games repeated themselves for a 162 game series, the formula would be 65 games off the actual pace for the team!

Mind you, this doesn't happen. Teams don't score 18 runs and then 0 in the same week very often. The teams will all regress to more "normal" performances, and the odd variation found in that 5 game set with the Aztecs would be lost forever, softened by reality. But that doesn't mean the flaw isn't there: it just got buried by reason. But these things happen: remember when the Rangers put up a 30 spot on Baltimore in 2007? That sort of fluctuation did really significant damage to Texas' runs per game (and Baltimore's allowed), even though the value of runs roughly 7-30 were minimal. Spread those runs out, and Texas can win probably 8 more games on the excess alone. That's roughly what Hanley Ramirez would give you over Yuniesky Betancourt. And it gets counted twice: those runs could have cost Baltimore to conservatively lose 8 more games ... that's a 16 game swing for the whole league: on the results of just one game, mind you, a spectacular one. But while a 30 run game is truly remarkable, 10 run games are relatively commonplace, and 3 or 4 of those can add up to the same error.

Of course, there was improvement. There are some excellent and math heavy ways in which Bill James' original Pythagorean expectation have been tweaked, notably HERE, the best available material on the subject from two of sabermetrics' most valuable minds.

But almost all of these calculations require a year in review, specifically as it relies to park value and run scoring environment - most of these variables are anything but static and make an end of season predictor very difficult. Of course, as is known and proven time and time again, nothing in baseball is on a perfectly laid path - players get hurt, players get traded, schedules are unbalanced.

But in a big enough sample size, (say, post-All Star break), it's easy to crank out a simple tool with pretty alarming accuracy (and embarrassingly low mathematical acumen) to determine roughly how a team will finish.

The first thing you need to know is the runs scored per game for the entire league: (in the case of 2009, 4.57 as of this print). Interestingly, baseball hasn't varied too much on this, considering: look at each year since 2000:

2009 (to date): 4.57
2008: 4.65
2007: 4.80
2006: 4.85
2005: 4.59
2004: 4.81
2003: 4.73
2002: 4.61
2001: 4.77
2000: 5.14 (!)

Only one of those numbers really stands out, and it's during the ... ahem ... offensive explosion of the late 90s and early 00s which I will leave for discussion elsewhere.

So barring some obsence 1968 pitching or 2000 hitting numbers, the average number of runs scored will be in somewhere in the 4s. And since I've never seen a team score exactly 4.54 runs in a game, you either score above the norm (5 or more) or fewer (4 or less). Simple, right? Well, not quite. The scale is top-heavy as it is open ended up on the right side (you can score unlimited runs, but you can't score less than zero). This doesn't have a huge effect, but it makes scoring or allowing 4 runs the grey area, as you will win half the time if you score or allow exactly 4 runs.

Now to predict a team's win-loss record going forward: we do it by a way that fans have done for a long time, only with definable values:

1. If a team scores 5 runs or more, it's an offensive success. That side of their game has given their team an adequate or better chance to win.

2. If a team allows 4 runs or fewer, it's a defensive success.

3. Count the number of total "successes" your team has for the year (you can have 2 successes in one game, or you can have 1 or zero, we are measuring different sides of the game). Keep the offensive and defensive successes separate: we'll use them again later.

4. Divide the total number of successes by 2. This is your expected number of wins to this point in the season. The variation should be small, and can be attributed to bad luck or could be a red flag for bad managing, especially if that approaches 5 or so per 100 games.

5. Divide the number of successes on both offense and defense by the number of games played to that point. This determines the rate at which your team is getting adequate performances.

6. Extrapolate that rate of success over your remaining games for both to determine your expected W-L for the end of the year.

All right, everybody still with me? Good. Because it's fun, and if they haven't done a good enough job themselves, let's rip apart the Kansas City Royals.

2009 W-L: 40-61

Offensive Successes: 39 (38.6%)
Defensive Successes: 51 (50.4%)

Expected W-L: 45-56

Uh-oh Trey.

So what we see here is nothing too terribly surprising ... The Royals are a mediocre pitching team (in a future post, I may see what happens if you replacement Grienke with an average starter) and a bad hitting team, and these numbers reflect that.

Expected W-L over 162: 67-95

That's sure not good, is it? Luckily more waiver wire gritty speedsters are on the way.

AL CENTRAL: One of These Things is Not Like the Other

2009-07-31T11:08:00.004-05:00

One of these things just isn't the same!

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Beginning In the Middle

2009-07-30T22:05:00.015-05:00

So this isn't exactly the beginning. This is more of a reset.*

So what's being reset? Gritty&Clutch is starting over, but only in theory. When we first started this thing last year, it was supposed to be a joke--some way we could get our rocks off by making fun of stupid things around sports while hopefully offering some intelligent stat-based commentary along the way.

"Let's just have fun and see who we can piss off." And thus it began. We had some good stuff, and some pretty bad stuff too. After a few silly articles, our original idea of Stats with Snark morphed into some Onion-y type sports satire site. Needless to say there's not a huge market for that. Nor was it very fun. How many different ways can one take some current sports headline, make fun of it, and keep it interesting?

* Am I the only one so obsessive compulsive that the [RESET] button on his NES was his best and worst enemy? How many games of Mario did I play, whereupon the first accidental death, I shot my finger to the reset button before the next life? I always knew I would need every life I could get if I ever wanted to beat it. I never did.

I had that awful habit when playing on my Grandma's piano too. I only knew the beginning of Axel Foley (really just the first six or seven notes) and would attempt to play for my sister --who I might say was never impressed with my piano playing OR my Nintendo-resetting habits-- and all the while I would get a few notes in, mess up, and start over. Over and over again. I didn't have much of an audience for very long.

Worse, I still do this. I have a game for the PC called Age of Empires III (quite fun), but it always feels like the first ten minutes are the most important. So, when things don't quite go my way after the first ten, rather than play it out and feel failure, I just hit [RESTART] and try again. I rarely finish a game that I won't win.

Is there something wrong with that? I can't be the only 80s generation kid so pleased with himself, so afraid of failure, so arrogant and anal and obsessive that I refuse to observe the Game Over screen?

Some time later we got bored, worked on different projects, and Gritty&Clutch fell by the wayside. I started a website about video game sales of all things*, and I really polished up my chart making skills.

That was a year ago.

*I don't want to get off on too far of a tangent, but I really have fully embraced my inner dork. As if the previous passage didn't tip you off, I'm quite the dork. Video games, fantasy books, Dungeons & Dragons, tabletop war games, Quantum Leap, dinosaurs, Star Trek, computers; all of them have embarrassed me at some point.

And video game sales. I found this little subset of dorkery and started making charts. Crazy charts, like "Which Nintendo game sold the most ever?" ."Will increased sales in Japan mean increased sales world wide?". "How do Konami and EA financials compare?", etc. Enough people liked them that I started a little site for my dorky hobby, and now I think I can apply this dorkeriffic habit to baseball.

Which brings me to today. Some time ago, I met this cool dude at work who mentions that he likes baseball and we were best buds instantly. Me and my love of all things dorkeriffic, Walter opened the doors to a secret society. Something about "sabermetrics" and "baseball math." It sounded hilarious.

I learned about the hidden world of baseball, and I learned that sabermetrics really isn't scary at all. It's just a statistical approach to America's Pastime. I discovered the beauty of OPS+. JoePo. Rany. FireJoeMorgan. While it was tremendously fun to learn about and have my eyes opened to all the possibilities, it wasn't hilarious at all, nor was it hidden. It was right there in front of everybody.

I slowly came to understand that the reason my favorite team, my most-loved childhood team, my sad-sack, constantly losing, pathetic Kansas City Royals baseball team didn't lose because the evil Yankees had all the money. They didn't lose because they couldn't keep their best players. They didn't lose because of Evil Boras and those big meanies in Beantown.

Bad decisions and a rejection of analysis are why the Royals continue to lose. Over and over and over again. Not money. Not Boras. Not a curse. Just bad management and bad decisions.

This is now. Here I am, with a new perspective. Gritty&Clutch will be several things and none combined. It will be a place for stat-based commentary and analysis, baseball charts, conversational exchanges between Walter and I, and sometimes a little snark.

So we're starting over, but not really. We're continuing with a renewed focus on fun and real insight. This time I'm taking my finger off the reset button.

-Justin

Darth Tiger Orders Destruction of Planet Rocco

2008-06-16T16:01:00.007-05:00

Darth Tiger ruthlessly destroyed the peaceful planet of Rocco Monday afternoon after toying with the idea since Sunday.

The Mediatians, the nomadic and generally unsuccessful people of the now destroyed planet, fought valiantly witnesses say.

"It was amazing. Here's this giant Death Club completely aimed at Rocco," traveling merchant and part-time bard Bobus Costamus described with with both awe and fear in his eyes, "and the Mediate people really tried their best."

But that wasn't enough to stop the awesome destructive power of the Death Club, Darth Tiger's perch from which he has destroyed at least thirteen other peaceful planets.

"As always, it wasn't really fair. Darth Tiger has a giant laser beam that focuses the Nike Force into white-hot solar system destroying power, and the Mediatians had wooden clubs? This terror must be stopped."

Unconfirmed reports described a resistance force covertly organized by the Empire outlaw known as Obi-Wan Mickelson, but those rumors were quickly dispelled when his body was found in the 13th Quandrant of the Open system.

Bill Bavasi Loses Millions of Mariners' Money In Nigerian Email Scam

2008-06-14T14:19:00.013-05:00

"I don't really know what to say. It sounded like a really great investment."

GM of the Mariners since 2004, Bill Bavasi announced Friday that he was victimized by a Nigerian Email scam and lost approximately 70 million dollars over the next 5 years.

"It was real simple. I put money [of the Mariners] into an account and the dividends were supposed to start showing up any day now."

When it was pointed out that the Nigerian Email Scam has been common knowledge for years now, Bavasi replied, "...it was never really completely explored and a team with a smaller payroll has to take some chances here and there."

Does this finally put Bavasi in jeopardy of losing his job? Mariners CEO Howard Lincoln will give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Bill is doing the job, and the team's performance is not related to his work. It's purely related to [the account] performance and underachieving."

Into the Minds of Gritty & Clutch: Vol 1 -- On Racism, Tempers, and Forgiveness

2008-06-12T13:32:00.029-05:00

The following is a transcript of Gritty and Clutch's reaction to the Milton Bradley / Royal Announcer Ryan Lefebvre story.

In it you can observe the inner workings of our brilliant minds as sports reactionaries, as well as our feelings as fans.

Of course, this was edited for clarity, accuracy, and readability where possible.

Enjoy, and let us know what you think:

[Gritty] [11:57 AM]: Milton Bradley Upset at Criticism of Temper, Spontaneously Explodes (attempted an attack on Ryan Lefebvre last night!!)

[Clutch] [11:59 AM]: Seriously? Wow.

[Gritty] [11:59 AM]: SERIOUSLY. Ryan compared him to Hamilton last night, saying something along the lines of "look how he [Hamilton] turned himself around...Bradley could learn something from him"

So immediately following the 11-5 royals debacle, Bradley bounds up 4 flights of stairs to confront (attack) Lefebvre, and is barely restrained by both his GM and his Manager. SERIOUSLY. I guess some time after that he was in the clubhouse balling his eyes out

[Clutch] [12:01 PM]: I just read the news report of it. First of all, Ryan Lefebvre's comments are rather prickish. Like, a lot prickish.

[Gritty] [12:01 PM]: Really? Did you hear/read the transcript?

[Clutch] [12:02 PM]: I'm reading what Ryan said he said. Lefebvre said all he was doing was complimenting Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton and how he turned his life around. “He (Hamilton) has been accountable for his mistakes and how the baseball world are rooting for him, and Frank (White) and I were having a conversation about it’s a shame that it doesn’t appear Milton Bradley has done the same thing in his life.” Something smells foul about that entire comment anyway.

[Gritty] [12:03 PM]: I'm not sure how that's prickish, but I might be missing something. I heard it in context and it really didn't sound bad.

[Clutch] [12:04 PM]: Josh Hamilton had a cocaine and alcohol problem! Milton Bradley has a temper.

[Gritty] [12:04 PM]: The allusion was in regards to making amends for his mistakes.

[Clutch] [12:04 PM]: It's pretty obvious the implications of why America cheers for Josh Hamilton, when all he's really done is not do anything bad recently.

[Gritty] [12:04 PM]: He's gritty.

[Clutch] [12:04 PM]: Abso-freaking-lutely. They both just play baseball for a living. Milton Bradley actually hasn't done anything wrong this year except argue with an umpire heatedly.

[Gritty] [12:05 PM]: And ...

[Clutch] [12:05 PM]: And somehow he's compared to an ex lying, jail-dodging coke fiend? Of course he overreacted, but the whole thing screams racial bias and you know it.

[Gritty] [12:06 PM]: I hear ya for sure on that. I wish we could read the transcript it REALLY didn't sound like that in context.

[Clutch] [12:07 PM]: Me too, actually, but even Ryan's explanation of it still has me seething.

[Gritty] [12:07 PM]: Really?

[Clutch] [12:07 PM]: To me, yes. It's condescending and non-sensical. It's a shame he hasn't been able to turn his life around? That's pretty freaking bold.

[Gritty] [12:07 PM]: I'm not picking up on it, and I’m usually hypersensitive to race issues.

[Clutch] [12:07 PM]: Because he argued with an umpire and got in a fight with Jeff Kent?

[Gritty] [12:08 PM]: The original verbiage was "something that Bradley could learn from."

[Clutch] [12:08 PM]: Learn to smile and be white? It was ludicrous to compare the two in the first place.

[Gritty] [12:09 PM]: ...they're both baseball players on the same team, how dare they be compared?

[Clutch] [12:09 PM]: Something that Bradley could learn from? Gross and condescending. Sure, not "storm to the press box" gross or condescending.

[Gritty] [12:11 PM]: I can see why that would be taken out of context, but it isn't tripping my trigger at all. But i actually heard the passage this morning on the radio.

[Clutch] [12:11 PM]: It doesn't hurt that I think Ryan Lefebvre's an idiot. And I'm kind of a Milton Bradley apologist.

[Gritty] [12:12 PM]: And i have man crush on him!! And I dislike Bradley!! Ok so now we know our own biases let's meet in the middle.

[Clutch] [12:12 PM]: My question for you is, why do you dislike Bradley? Because he's angry?

[Gritty] [12:12 PM]: For his antics. I don't like any players, regardless of race, that treat the fans that way.

[Clutch] [12:13 PM]: What exactly has Bradley done to the fans?

[Gritty] [12:13 PM]: Haven't you heard of the water bottle incident?

[Clutch] [12:13 PM]: I remember that now. That seems relatively minor to me. I mean, it's not like Vince Coleman and his firecrackers. Either way, nothing actually happened. Yesterday, I mean. We don't actually know what Milton Bradley is going to say or do to Ryan Lefebvre if he gets there.

[Gritty] [12:15 PM]: That's a great point. Maybe he just wanted a hot cup of soothing tea?

[Clutch] [12:16 PM]: Obviously it's going to be a heated, emotional exchange.

[Gritty] [12:16 PM]: Perhaps he'd like to wax nostalgic about funny names and how they both got them?

[Clutch] [12:16 PM]: Don't be like that. Think of this.

[Gritty] [12:16 PM]: ...

[Clutch] [12:16 PM]: Outside of throwing a water bottle ... who has Milton Bradley attacked? Like actually physically struck?

[Gritty] [12:17 PM]: Well, I’m not sure that he ever has honestly.

[Clutch] [12:17 PM]: Exactly.

[Gritty] [12:17 PM]: Who can argue with that?

[Clutch] [12:18 PM]: Well, you can say he's a hotheaded jerk that acts like a child, and you'd be right. But if he's white, he's Billy Wagner. Just a consummate competitor, despite the fact that he's constantly throwing fits and his teammates under nearby busses.

[Clutch] [12:21 PM]: I think the thing is, is that Milton Bradley is obviously far from perfect. Heck, he doesn't even seem to be a GOOD guy. But to accept black athletes, we almost expect them to be perfect it seems.

[Gritty] [12:21 PM]: Really?

[Clutch] [12:21 PM]: It's hard to say, and I think it depends on the sport. But Milton hadn't done anything this year. And Hamilton hadn't done anything this year. One was a coke fiend; one has a temper and threw a water bottle.

[Gritty] [12:22 PM]: I think that most of us are hypersensitive when it comes to some of these things.

[Clutch] [12:22 PM]: And who's supposed to learn from who here?

[Gritty] [12:22 PM]: I dunno, man.

[Clutch] [12:22 PM]: Oh, it definitely touches my buttons.

[Gritty] [12:22 PM]: Right, and me too but this one doesn't do it for me. We really need that transcript.

[Clutch] [12:23 PM]: I'm really upset that he wanted to respond, because he really only proved them right. But I do see his point, even before I knew what happened.

[Gritty] [12:23 PM]: Why does that upset you?

[Clutch] [12:24 PM]: Because it takes away from a subtle message that, while unintentional, is harmful. That they want to like Hamilton, and they don't want to like Bradley.

(Food break. Gritty grabs a pathetic excuse for a Hot Pocket and momentarily enjoys it. Clutch pretends to work.)

[Gritty] [12:25 PM]: Let's pretend, just for the briefest of moments, that both are raceless, deal?

[Clutch] [12:26 PM]: Okay.

[Gritty] [12:27 PM]: One of them almost ruined his life with addiction to narcotics, but eventually conquered that and is having a great statistical year. Right?

[Clutch] [12:27 PM]: Sure.

[Gritty] [12:27 PM]: Okay. The other hasn't really done anything illegal, but has a history of being a bad teammate, a significant temper issue, and has been traded multiple times because of it (comparison to Jose Guillen appropriate here?).

[Clutch] [12:30 PM]: The bad teammate thing is questionable.

[Gritty] [12:31 PM]: Okay, strike it from the record.

[Clutch] [12:31 PM]: Jeff Kent notwithstanding.

[Gritty] [12:31 PM]: He has a significant temper issue that directly correlates to being traded from multiple teams, with the issue being visible to fans, other teams, umpires, and the media right? (and his own team)

[Clutch] [12:38 PM]: I would agree with that. But, all you have to do is read what you wrote again for both of them.

[Gritty] [12:41 PM]: So I read both of what I wrote again and I ask is it not clear why one would be rooted for and one would be despised, the racial issue obviously contributing?

[Clutch] [12:42 PM]: It depends on how you sell the story of the first. I could write it as an entitled scumbag who was above the system because he had talent.

[Gritty] [12:42 PM]: Well, if you call him a wife-beating drug dealer that murders children and hates puppies... ooh that's good. I think i'm saying that illegal NON-PERFORMANCE-ENHANCING drugs and dealing with addiction is a much softer sell than, "man struggles with family issues and deals with temper on the field".

Both can be sold either way but one is clearly more digestible by the public and being white --gritty-- helps. One, addiction, is a solo journey that can crush dreams. The worst impact on the team is that the player isn't available, costs the team money, team loses because of missing talent.

[Clutch] [12:46 PM]: (pretending to work)

[Gritty] [12:46 PM]: The other, temper, is a public journey experienced by all, especially when on film, and comes with zero back-story. The public has no idea why he's so upset at everyone and has sided against him because he's not just blowing up at umpires or teammates, but now fans and announcers.

The worst impact on the team is that the player becomes a locker room "cancer," costs the team future calls from the same offended umpire, builds up an anti-fanbase, gets suspended, potentially gets traded, costs the team money, team loses because of missing talent.

[Clutch] [12:50 PM]: Let's take it outside the confines of a baseball field And tell me what happens if you stand in front of a judge and say you bought a kilo of cocaine. And if you threw a water bottle.

[Gritty] [12:51 PM]: Ok. In the interest of keeping it sane…let's pretend the judge is the [crowd of] fans behind the right field wall. There's no debate which is more legal (or less) but clearly one is less understood by the public.

Look at the love affair with Robert Downey Jr. ...

[Clutch] [12:52 PM]: And we don't actually know the details of Josh Hamilton's story.

[Gritty] [12:52 PM]: ... but then how much Russell Crowe is hated.

[Clutch] [12:53 PM]: Who knows? Let's ask this: how does the public feel about Doc Gooden or Darryl Strawberry?

[Gritty] [12:53 PM]: We do know that he wasn't on camera doing them.

[Clutch] [12:53 PM]: At least not on the camera of a nationally televised baseball game, anyway.

[Gritty] [12:53 PM]: Strawberry is forgiven. Lawrence Taylor is forgiven.

[Clutch] [12:54 PM]: I gotcha.

[Gritty] [12:54 PM]: Michael Irvin is forgiven. Terrell Owens is an asshole. See what I mean?

[Clutch] [12:54 PM]: But I'm not sure that's the real measure of whether someone's a decent person or teammate or not.

[Gritty] [12:54 PM]: Of course not.

[Clutch] [12:54 PM]: Basically, we're okay with what they do as long as they entertain us and smile for the cameras.

[Gritty] [12:54 PM]: But that's not the debate, brother.

[Clutch] [12:54 PM]: Because at the end of the day ... It's entertainment.

[Gritty] [12:55 PM]: Right. Drugs > Tempers.

[Clutch] [12:56 PM]: Would be my guess that he's obviously extremely sensitive and not very good at dealing with being a public figure. That's really obviously his biggest flaw. I'm not sure I'd do so well either.

[Gritty] [12:57 PM]: In the interest of conclusion, and because I’m a sadist, let's go back to the original comments by Ryan Lefebvre. Ok, he was saying that Hamilton had "turned his life around" and is now loved by the public, something "Bradley could learn from." here is where I think we stand:

1. Stupid comparison, probably subtly (subconsciously?) racist.
2. The public loves people that overcome challenges.

[Clutch] [12:59 PM]: "There was no incident," Daniels said. Upon returning to the clubhouse, Bradley screamed at teammates and broke down in tears. "I'm tired of people bringing me down," Bradley said.

"It wears on you. I love you guys, all you guys. I'm strong, but I'm not that strong. All I want to do is play baseball and make a better life for my kid than I had."Several of Bradley's teammates consoled him after he calmed down.

[Gritty] [12:59 PM]:

3. Drugs off screen are easier to forgive than temper issues on screen.

And yeah, I read that.

[Clutch] [12:59 PM]: That doesn't make you like the guy just a little more? And makes me realize that he's really screwed up.

The funny thing is? The Milton Bradley spontaneously combusting article sounded hilarious. I wanted to write it so bad.

(Sometime around here one or both of us pretended to go back to work, while the other started writing another article. Hmmm)

Shaun Alexander Avoids Hit, Drives Into Curb

2008-06-11T10:15:00.016-05:00

"I'm just happy to be alive."

The sentiment isn't a new one for former Seahawk Shaun Alexander, as he was almost-hit again Tuesday morning by a young bicyclist.

On his way to a private meeting with Chicago Bears Assistant to the Assistant Director of Personnel Kevin Turks, Shaun avoided the devastating collision by careening softly into a nearby curb.

Shaun runs to avoid a hit in a 2003 playoff game.

Alexander was able to avoid hits throughout his career with the perennial NFC West almost contender. But this one might be the wake-up call that he needed to remind teams with zero runningbacks why he would make a nice addition to an offense with an extraordinary offensive line, Hall-of-Fame offensive coordinating head coach, and a better than above-average quarterback.

"It was a close call," the one time single-season TD record holder vividly recalled, "but just like on the field, I avoided taking a hit by being smart and crafty."

Still trembling, "The tire damage caused by the curb was well worth avoiding a scratch by that kid [and his bicycle]."

Editors note:
When asked how he would fit on a team as historically hard-nosed as the Bears, team sources declined to comment.

Clemens: Having a Hard Time

2008-06-10T21:00:00.010-05:00

"What's your freakin' problem man? You a pervert?!"

Roger Clemens clearly wasn't happy with the question.

Of course he was using Viagra as a performance enhancing drug, not as some sick erection inducing supplement to aid his aging body in his conquest with a 15-year-old country star, you pervert.

"I never needed it [with her]," Clemens said stiffly. "I only ever used it to improve my fast balls."

Clemens has had to answer a lot of hard questions lately. After being questioned by Congress, then being pubically humiliated with allegations of infidelity with then 15-year-old country star Mindy McCready, he now has to deal with questions surrounding his Rocket and its ability to achieve liftoff.

According to Roger, though, he firmly rejects any such questions. "It's pretty obvious I was using it to gain an edge on the field, like every other chemical I could find to put in my body."

"Why don't you guys just leave me alone?! I'm ROGER CLEMENS!"

Junior: Homers, Speaks English, Doesn't Hate America

2008-06-10T01:08:00.016-05:00

Receiving a warm standing ovation from literally hundreds of fans at Dolphin Stadium in Miami, Ken Griffey Jr. has moved into the arbitrary record book by hitting home run number 600.

Griffey was ecstatic to finally achieve a milestone the public had noticed for literally 2 weeks. "You know, the ball doesn't carry very well when it's weighed down with the expectations of millions of steroid weary fans. It really has a tendency to die in right-center."

After the historic milestone, fans everywhere viewing television were entreated to see Griffey speaking English, not hating America, not clubbing baby seals, not selling drugs to kids, not pushing old people down into mud puddles, not sporting an Iron Cross, not holding up convenience stores, not requesting that underage girls urinate on him, and occasionally even smiling.

"This is great," the national hero by virtue of skill at baseball and being likable and close to the same size as he was in his early 20s said. "I feel like I'm on top of the world."

Griffey then pumped his fist in celebration, then clutched his arm in pain as he tore his rotator cuff. He is expected to miss 2-3 months.

Kansas City trades SS Angel Berroa for Half Eaten Candy Bar

2008-06-10T00:55:00.017-05:00

The Kansas City Royals pulled off what could be a steal on Saturday, as they traded their former American League Rookie of the Year Shortstop for a partially consumed Snickers bar.

"I was meeting with Ned Colletti via video conference, and it looked like he was done with it," Royals general manager Dayton Moore said. "I asked him if he was interested in maintaining the services of his candy, and he told us we could obtain it for the right price."

"Yeah, I'd had kind of a larger dinner, some Chicken Marsala and parmesean encrusted mashed potatoes, and I think I was more eating it out of stress about how to find more outfielders," Dodgers GM Colletti said. "But don't get me wrong, I could have been hungry later, and I would have been happy to have kept the Snickers in the organization. But Berroa also serves a need, I suppose."

Berroa, a notorious no contact, no power, no discipline, no field shortstop who Hideki Matsui gets teased for losing Rookie of the Year to, was mired in Omaha, Kansas City's Triple A affiliate.

Berroa, left, shows off his ROY-defensive abilities

"Obviously, we had to weigh the pros and cons of the situation," Dayton Moore continued. "In the end, all our scouts and baseball people agreed we would receive more out of the candy bar, I mean, it looked really good. Hardly any debris on it, clean breaks and everything."

To avoid mailing delays, the candy bar was to be delivered in person by the next unlucky person to walk into Ned Colletti's office, which turned out to be shortstop Juan Rivera, who is hitting .217/.250/.304 in Single A.

Benson: 99 Problems but a Job Ain't One

2008-06-09T01:58:00.017-05:00

"Now that I'm finally out of a job," Cedric Benson told G&C in a private in-club interview Sunday night, "I can enjoy my drinks without having to worry about trying to please everyone."

One month after getting arrested, abused and pepper-sprayed for allegedly boating while intoxicated and resisting arrest, Cedric Benson had the sound of man relieved to be back in his element.

"The whole thing was just too much, man," Benson lamented while stirring a watered-down Jack&Coke. "The money, the hoes, the cars...it can weigh you down."

"Now I don't have to worry about any of that."

Rejected Headlines, 1st Week of June, 2008

2008-06-05T02:49:00.016-05:00

2Pac|man Allowed 2 Practice (or) Pacman Hits Field, Hookers
Why it didn't make it: Who would want to insult the ghost of 2pac? We were thinking of going with a story about Pacman Jones scaring his team and his posse playing in Dallas as the linebacking core, but we weren't real sure how much we could stretch out the over-done Pacman-is-an-idiot jokes. Just in case we weren't clear: Adam Jones is an idiot.

Links:
Tupac Shakur interview with Arsenio Hall 1994
Pacman Hits Field, TO gets Deal

Irrelevant Northern-Only Sport Observing Championship
Why it didn't make it: First of all, only two of you would have actually got it, and those two of you would have been further alienated by our no-hockey policy. What I'd like to know is how this sport is surviving with half the audience of the Outdoor Channel's "American Rifleman" but with none of an actual relevant sports viewing audience: the lower 48. Btw, Detroit won it, for the bazillionth time.

Links:
Wingin it: Detroit Wins it All
Hockey Fans, Protectors of the Wilderness

Travis Henry Cut, Not His Vasa Deferentia
Why it didn't make it: Do you guys even know what a Vasa Deferentia is? I had to google image just to be sure and I would advise against it. And not that we think we're better than that, but when Maurice Clarrett looks like a better pickup for the Broncos than this dipstick, there has to be a better story than the worn out busted condom jokes.

Bonds Can't Find Anything on TV, Media Actually At Fault This Time
Why it didn't make it: What else needs to be said? We could paint a nice picture for you, him sitting on the couch, coming down from a fresh 'roid rage, looking for a nice episode of What Not to Wear, and maybe we could photoshop his size-22 dome and how it might be effecting the TV signal, but none of this would bring anything new to the table that the headline wouldn't already.

Notes to our audience:
A huge and humble thank you to our audience. G&C would like to thank everybody that has already visited and has shown their friends the wonders of Gritty&Clutch. We encourage you to leave your thoughts in the comments section of any post that strikes your fancy (we especially love hate mail--it means we're doing something right!), as well as linking your site if you mentioned one of our posts.

If we haven't offended you at least once since you started reading our site, keep coming back. We'll find a way.

Gritty

With New Contract, Owens Unsure How to Alienate Team

2008-06-03T08:34:00.010-05:00

Now that Terrell Owens has his dream contract, he knows he had better start alienating his team mates, the coaching staff, ownership, and the Dallas Cowboy fanbase or he might tarnish his legacy.

"It's a really exciting time," Owens breathlessly admitted while looking over his Locker Room Cancer Handbook.

He doesn't think his current feel-good status with his teammates, initiated by his stumping for Romo in a well-acted fit of tears last season, is fair.

"Now that I have my contract, I can really focus on alienating the entire organization one step at a time. They're really trying to pin me down as this team-first guy, and I can't let my fans down."

For Owens, former Eagle and 49er, that's the problem. "I'm not sure where to start honestly. You think I should target Tony [Romo]? That Jessica thing is kinda boring, and I certainly can't call him a 'duck' like I did with Garcia."

How about Coach Phillips? "That's a possiblity, but we'd have to be losing to maximize my efforts of alienation." He closed his handbook, now with a full plan in mind.

"Though it's only a matter of time before he remembers that he's Wade Phillips."

Dolphin's Taylor Wants Trade, Networks Line Up in Anticipation

2008-06-02T15:47:00.012-05:00

Upset that Bill Parcels doesn't understand his need to express himself or the want to not show up to OTAs, Jason Taylor has politely asked to be traded.

It's unclear what Miami would be able to get for him. FOX, home of So You Think You Can Dance, has expressed interest, but doesn't seem keen on dealing H.O.U.S.E star Hugh Laurie, who would make a serious run at contention for starting quarterback under Parcells.

And according to a FOX insider, they wouldn't even consider dealing Family Guy for the Miami Defensive end.

"No way that's in the cards [a Taylor for FamilyGuy trade]. It's our last show with any real value outside of American Idol, and God knows what we'll do when that and our aging cartoons finally retire."

Other networks have issued back-channel calls to the team, including MTV (home of DanceLife) which might include a trade for the entire crew of the struggling TRL, and CBS, which is interested in dealing Regis Philbin with the intent of building a new show around Taylor, Million Dollar Dancer.

"They'd get a decent starting running back, which they need, and we'd have a nice piece to build around with Jason."

Through it all, Jason is happy that there is interest but that won't end the feeling of rejection from Miami. "It's pretty upsetting not to be appreciated by your team," Taylor said while pouring over tapes of his almost-perfected Tango.

"I thought they would love me for who I am."

Ozzie Guillen: WTF

2008-06-02T01:07:00.029-05:00

Ozzie Guillen noticed the White Sox were having some troubles with probability math regarding runners in scoring position.

He then sensibly decided that it was because Orlando Cabrera only plays the game professionally to the best of his near perfectly league average ability and then tries to beat the traffic:

Guillen hopes Cabrera, teammates bond more

Surprisingly, one day after Cabrera's failing grade on the "Doesn't Play Well With Others" section of his report card, the White Sox had not emerged on a white lightning 40 game winning streak, instead, going out and losing a baseball game to a team with a 33-22 record on the road.

Ozzie knows something that you don't:

The teams that bond with each other go 162-0. And he knew well enough that post chatter, his team had a .000 winning percentage. In an incredibly predictable postgame tirade, he promised some shakeups, and assumedly some mathematically shaky (not even shaky, actually, down right idiotic) baseball moves.

In other words, Ozzie Guillen is continuing to manage in the Major Leagues. (The vagueness of his threats indicates to me that he hasn't the slightest clue what he's going to do, but will instead feel the lineup from his gut in the next few days.

I hope that what supernatural insight he is gleaning will not be misinterpreted and actually be the mall food court Chinese he had telling him to down some pink bismuth. Treating multi-million dollar payrolls with the same level of forethought that one usually reserves for insomnia television viewing choices would terrify me if I were a Sox fan, and outrage me if I were their owner. Just saying.)

Guillen and his thoughts on As Seen On TV! Payroll Management

If Guillen knew more of computers than their ability to be used as blunt objects, he would know that his very expensive, aging team is actually vastly overperforming (well, technically a lot of that is the Indians and Tigers underperforming, but whatever). PECOTA isn't perfect, but it's good, and it had the White Sox at 78-84.

Jose Contreras has a 2.89 ERA despite allowing on average around 10 baserunners/9, and is only striking out about 5.5. And in case you are not familiar with the gentleman, he's very old. And had a nasty slide in production last year. Currently he's at about 95th percentile projections, and while that's not impossible (5 percent is a real number, after all), it's very unlikely (95 percent is also a real number, and a much larger one).

Offensively, Carlos Quentin is blowing up projections, but the more troubling numbers are there: Paul Konerko's current state is pretty close to where he should be. Jermaine Dye probably won't stay where he is. There is plenty of cause to show that Nick Swisher is vastly below expectations and should get better, but this is a lineup full of low OBP question marks that Ozzie will eventually bat #2 because he likes the cut of their jib.

Jose Contreras will regress to the mean this year.

I'm waiting for the real fun. When the Detroit pitching regresses back to even reasonable levels and the Indians' hitting fulfills even a fraction of it's healthy lineup. When John Danks goes through some struggles that bring him back to Earth a bit. When Jermaine Dye gets hurt or Quentin isn't on a pace to hit 42 HR anymore. When the White Sox become mired deep into 3rd place, and Ozzie starts demanding that Orlando Cabrera now sleep over at Joe Crede's house during losing streaks and threatens to set fire to reporters. Then the end of the season, when Ozzie Guillen is himself sleeping at Joe Crede's house and forcing all his players to wear the dirty socks of their last victory, and actually begins openly weeping and ranting in a fictional language.

Better send Thome to the Adam Dunn school of sacrifice bunting soon. This is going to be an interesting summer.

Confirmed: Barry Zito's Fastball Defies Gravity

2008-05-31T16:30:00.011-05:00

The San Francisco Giants Barry Zito, who will earn roughly a million dollars in the time it would take him to read this entry (and he's a fast reader), has shown the world of sports and science something spectacular:

He can grip a baseball in four different places by the seams, and with the force of a violent, unnatural shoulder whip and release, can throw the ball hard enough that it defies both gravity and any occurring wind effects to strike the catcher's glove in a relatively timely fashion over 60 feet away.

Stanford and M.I.T. physicists and mathematicians are furiously determining whether the feat shown by Zito was in fact, even possible, having seen bundles of evidence to the contrary in all of Zito's April starts.

The idea that this throw could be controlled to land in a roughly specific location about 2 feet by 1 foot seems to be science fiction - repeated viewing of the Zito tapes would incidate this to indeed be an impossible fallacy.

Three If By Hardwood

2008-05-31T00:40:00.030-05:00

After nearly 350 years, a Beantown sports team finally succeeded enough to have a shot at a title.

The Celtics have ended Boston's long nightmare of no-title-game shame by earning a berth in the NBA Finals.

Boston, a quaint New-England township of modest means and even more modest citizens, has long struggled for success in many areas, including Independence, cultural relevance, influential citizens, interesting accents, and not being New Amsterdam.

Those struggles have never been more palpable than in team athletic activities. While some claim that this charming coastal trade village has given birth to these sporting events, getting to the title game has alluded all of them.

Youklis' Beard, a combination pub and privateering outfitter, was filled with locals that have suffered with their teams on the night of the Celtics new-found success.

Remembering his town's shame, the barkeep offered, "the Red Stockings are bad enough, but those pig-pisser-tossin' Patriots couldn't buy a win if the King ordered it stationed in their houses!"

Needless to say, Boston and her success-starved citizens have been waiting for an excruciatingly long time for a title game. The same barkeep echoed what many around here have been feeling, "It was a curse I tell ya! We should've never let [Paul] Revere go to Lexington. Nothing good has come since."

A fitting end to the centuries-old drought, the township's least successful team (The Legendarily Bad Boston Celtics) will be the one that gets to finally hang the title game lanterns aloft.

Joakim Can't Make It To Pay N Spray, Now At Two-Star Wanted Level

2008-05-28T23:29:00.007-05:00

Pujols Feels Bad For Pitcher's Face, OBPA

2008-05-27T10:39:00.004-05:00

"I wish it would have gone somewhere else ... instead of hitting somebody in the face," Albert Pujols confessed Friday, after planting a line drive on Chris Young's nose last Wednesday night.

Seeing the blood spurt from Young's face left Pujols badly shaken, and he couldn't get on base for the rest of the night in good conscience. The remarkably gritty first baseman acknowledged that his OBP had been a downright-insulting .479 for the season.

"I know I've been pretty insensitive to pitchers for much of my career," a regretful Pujols admitted. He currently ranks as the third-best right hander of all time for OBP (minimum 3000 PA) and resides in the top twenty of all time for batters on both sides of the plate, somewhere between Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle.

Even more insulting to pitchers everywhere is Pujols' career slugging percentage (.619) that ranks only behind three of the greatest hitters of all time: Babe Ruth, Ted Williams, and Lou Gehrig.

For one night, he couldn't bring himself to add insult to injury. "It's one thing to mess up his grill, but another thing entirely to rub his OBPA in his face."

Almost a week later, Albert is still suffering from the shock of exploding his opposing pitcher's face and has lost a full .005 off of his OBP. This brings his season OBP down to .474.

[ed: Young's OBPA currently .338]

Archaeologists Unearth Ongoing Reds-Padres Game

2008-05-26T16:34:00.010-05:00

Scientists conducting experiments on the site formerly known as San Diego discovered that the May 25, 2008 baseball game between the Cincinnati Reds and the San Diego Padres, well known as a geologic period in Earth's history, was in fact, still occurring.

"We just decided to go check out the dusty remains of Petco Park, and lo and behold, Dusty Baker was still there double switching," reported dig foreman John Lyman. "We didn't think it was possible, but apparently they just established this baseball game as some sort of underground self-sustaining city, living on well preserved hot dogs and non dairy frosty malts for the last several generations."

The remnants of a decaying musty scorecard indicated that at last count, Corey Patterson had gone roughly 0 for 880 with 390 strikeouts and no walks.

Bud Selig: Accusations of Necromancy Premature

2008-05-26T01:55:00.014-05:00

"Allegations of necromancy, raising the dead, and alternate forms of corpse-reanimation are all unacceptable in Major League Baseball and will not be tolerated," Bud Selig said in a hastily presented press conference Monday.

"But all current allegations are simply rumor and must be considered hearsay until a full investigation has been completed."

Barely a week since the MLBPA ratified a tougher drug agreement, these new allegations couldn't have come at a worse time.

Rumors surfaced early last week when previously assumed-dead Gary Sheffield was spotted batting third in the Tiger's lineup. It is still unconfirmed whether or not Sheffield (1968-2007) will be credited with two hits and three RBI in Detroit's offensive explosion last week.

Detroit Manager Jim Leyland is at the heart of the controversy. While many acknowledge that Leyland clearly worked some magic with his 2006 Tiger club, rumblings of necromancy -- the dark art of raising the dead -- were usually kept to back alley White Sox blog conspiracy-theorists and World of Warcraft players.

Sheffield takes a 1-2 pitch earlier this year.

"What he did with Kenny [Rogers] was amazing," a Troy-area WoW gamer and anonymous MLB-blogger said in a phone interview conducted Saturday, referencing the almost-dead pitcher who had so much success last year.

"But this thing with Sheff' is just weird. I've seen it [necromancy] myself a few times while playing WoW, so I know it when I see it; there's no way that guy isn't dead."

The MLBPA was unavailable for comment, but one former player acknowledged in an off-the-record interview that, "this shit's been going on forever, man. First they take away our juice, and now they're taking away our Necro."

"What's next on their list, the DH?"

Umpire Respects Baseball Heritage, Makes Bad Call

2008-05-22T11:50:00.008-05:00

In observation of one of baseball's greatest traditions, umpire Bob Davidson made a really bad call on Wednesday.

In a post-game interview, Davidson remembered the call, "Yeah...John tried calling it a homerun, which was a correct call and everything, but I just couldn't let it pass. I have traditions to uphold."

When asked why he decided to reverse the call, he quickly pointed out that this is a human game. "If we start getting everything correct all the time, fans will begin to think that this thing is rigged. Who wants to see a bunch of robots making the right call all the time?"

But why reverse the call after it was already made from the second base umpire? "John's been getting a little uppity lately," he tersely remarked, "and somebody really needed to put him in his place."

He's heard about all the instant-replay hubbub that has recently been bandied about, and he will have none of it. "Oh that's just great. I'll bet you want to have manager challenges, salary caps, and even divisions too, eh? Well the NFL tried that stuff, and look how far it got them."

Regardless, Davidson is really honored to continue the long-standing practice of making really bad calls. "I would've been even happier if it had changed the outcome of the game," a smile crept up on his face and the reflection of the players' and fans' rage twinkled in his eye, "but I'm glad I could be a part of this tradition."

"It's the way it's always been, you know?"

Dodgers and Angels Plan on Signing All Free Agent Outfielders This Year, At Any Cost

2008-05-21T20:58:00.013-05:00

The Angels and Dodgers have already identified their most significant need and will head into the 2008 baseball winter meetings with a distinct purpose - to find and sign as many outfielders as they possibly can.

"Andruw Jones is a nice start," said Ned Colletti. "But with only Pierre, Ethier, Kemp, Jones, and Delwyn Young as outfielders, we run a significant possibility of a shortage." He emphasized that if one of them were to get hurt or need to take a breather, there was a distinct chance that "someone might have to play every single day, and that's obviously unacceptable."

Angels' new GM Tony Reagins agrees. "This is the way Bill (Stoneman) did things, and the way Arty (Angels owner' Arte Moreno) likes them, and who can blame them? Outfielders are required to cover more of the ground than any other single position of the team. I don't know what you'd do without at least seven of them." The Angels have showed the commitment to their policy by signing centerfielders Gary Matthews. Jr. and Torii Hunter in the last two free agency periods and carrying 6 outfielders on their roster.

"Everyone over 35 raise your hand."

"It's not just outfielders. It's veteran outfielders, as the positional tools and ability reach their peak at around 37 or 38. Can't wait for those final two years of contracts for Matthews and Hunter," Reagins continued. "They sould be amazing talent, Vlad should start to reach his prime, and maybe (Reggie) Willits will be old enough to platoon in once in awhile. Just look at Garret Anderson and I think you'll see what we're talking about."

Meanwhile, back in Chavez Ravine, the Dodgers can go with a new look outfield practically every day. "It's great," said manager Joe Torre. "They never know what in the heck I'm going to throw out there. You should see the looks of surprise on the fans' faces when Andre Ethier stays on the bench. Imagine what that does to the other team."

Luckily for both of the LA area franchises there could be a variety of toolsy, aging outfielders available in the upcoming offseason, and they should foretell a flurry of interest. Reports have indicated that the Angels have already offered Brian Giles, Juan Encarnacion, and Bobby Abreu 7 year contracts worth around 144 million dollars to start the bidding. The Dodgers plan on being aggressive as well, but perhaps more shrewd - they hope at least 1 of those years on the Giles contract will be a club option.

Royals Show Solidarity for Struggling Teammate Tony Pena Jr. by Going Hitless

2008-05-20T11:04:00.012-05:00

In a show of support for struggling Kansas City Royals shortstop Tony Pena Jr., the team held a surprise hitless bash on Monday, May 19th, with every player getting zero hits on the day.

"It felt really good," Tony Pena said via telephone interview from his hotel room. "Guys say they know what you're going through, what it's like to never have to be on base and spend all that extra time sitting on the dugout bench. It's just nice to not be alone there. To be fair, it's not like we were all Kevin Youkilis or Albert Pujols two days ago."

Pena's batting line currently sits at .169/.194/.218, by far the worst among major league regulars. Combining a lack of contact ability, plate discipline, and the power of a little leaguer is not easy. And teammates are going to have a hard time relating unless they try it themselves.

"I couldn't be prouder of our boys," manager Trey Hillman said in the postgame interview. "Everyone got to spend some time with Tony on the bench between innings and show that they too were capable of piles of meaningless outs. We have a saying around here - the chain is only as strong as it's weakest link. And boy, did that chain look weak today."

Every batter posted a perfect .000/.000/.000 line except for lone wolf sluggers Billy Butler and Esteban German, who each insisted on padding their stats by drawing a walk. "We'll have a heart to heart with those guys tomorrow," Hillman said. "They have to realize that this can't always be about them. Tonight was about Tony, and there's nothing about drawing a walk that Tony can relate to. It's just a selfish, results-based plate approach that will alienate their teammates and cause friction down the road that will prevent us from playing as a team."

The Royals lost the game 7-0.

Sources: Confirmation of Paul Konerko's Rumored Mobility

2008-05-17T13:52:00.016-05:00

We have news this week from the U.S. Geological Survey that confirms that on the evening of Wednesday, May 14th in Anaheim, California, formerly assumed static body Paul Konerko of the Chicago White Sox moved an estimated 90 feet from his previously recorded marker point, roughly the 1st base bag at Angels Stadium.

"This is an amazing discovery of epic proportions," stated Dr. Rodney Carew, faculty president of the geosciences department at the University of California-Los Angeles. "Konerko's movement is practically unprecedented. In a possible set of 1465 qualifying events, such movement has been recorded only 6 times."

As objects such as Paul Konerko's husky body increase in age and stability, they are even less likely to exhibit such movement, which makes Wednesday's geological event even more significant. An alarming trend could be ensuing, as other notable immobile national features such as Aramis Ramirez, Carlos Lee, and Jim Thome also showed evidence of having moved similar distances recently.

Scientists and policy makers believe there may be cause for concern. "Clearly Konerko's solid frozen quadriceps are thawing by rising global temperatures that is causing a climate change. This shift is then killing the mature roots growing under his feet. This inexplicable 90 foot movement is clearly due to the rapid increase in greenhouse gasses," former Vice President and Senator Al Gore said at a conference for the Earth awareness advocacy group OMGWGTD (Oh My God, We're Going to Die) in New York. "At this rate, your grandchildren will all be moving at the speed of Kenyans by 2045. And there's a good chance that the Earth will catch us ALL stealing," he finished cryptically. "Did you get that? It's a metaphor. It means you're going to boil in your skin and die."

"Wait. What?"

Despite the worries about rising global temperatures and their effect on very slow men, some remain skeptical. "This is a natural part of the Earth's cycle. Global temperatures shift constantly as part of the ebb and flow in various geological periods," reported Zebekiah Manly of the thinktank QAQ (Quit Asking Questions). "There's enough borderline scientific evidence that we made up or exaggerated that suggests that given enough time, Paul Konerko will just naturally return to first base on his own."

Whatever occurred, men who should have witnessed it remain dumbfounded. Angels' Catcher Mike Napoli seemed just confused. "I think I noticed because something in my peripheral vision wasn't blocking the view of sections 120-126 anymore. And then I look up and there's that big goofy grin standing 90 feet away," he reported on the record. "I think the warming ice cap thingie whathaveyou sounds good to me. Otherwise, I have to believe that Paul Konerko stole a base on me. And I mean, geez. That's embarrassing. He's Molina slow."

Analysis of Nutritional Intake's Impact on Baseball Results

2008-05-16T12:20:00.014-05:00

Hank Steinbrenner knows something we here on the radio don't. Actually, Hank knows a lot of things we don't, like what it's like to have discretionary income. And own a yacht. Also, he runs a Major League Baseball team. But most importantly, Hank knows that a team in need of sustenance is going to be able to defeat a nutritionally sound franchise, unless the fatties with adequate food play "smarter and harder."

Hank Steinbrenner: Yankees must play hungrier.

"No question, the Rays are a hungry team," said Steinbrenner, the Yankees' co-chairman. "That's what our team has to get back."

Not pleased with early results from manager Joe Girardi to make the Yankees peckish by taking away junk food from the clubhouse, Steinbrenner's remarks hinted that an involuntary hunger strike may be in order if the Yankees are to sniff the playoffs and steal the division away from their famished southern rivals.

Consider the following:

Average Tampa Bay Rays Player Salary: 1,784,000
Average New York Yankees Player Salary: 8,344,000

Anyone following the fluctuating price of food and transportation knows that it is almost impossible to be adequately nourished on 1.8 million if you live in a space station for a year and have all your food delivered via satellite and have your orbit maintained artificially. Otherwise, I've heard the Tampa cost of living index is pretty good, so that can't be the entire answer.

Is it possible that Hank could just be an obnoxious blowhard in need of constant attention to fulfill some sort of as yet undiscovered insecurity gene passed on from father to son? Absolutely not. The Yankees are clearly overeating.

The Hungricity Scale

A basic breakdown of "Satiation vs. Baseball Ability" shows that despite medical evidence to the contrary, muscles and reflexes and concentration improve if food becomes scarce or is denied (citation needed). This could mean the Rays lead is in jeopardy as we head into the warmer summer months, a dangerous minefield of potential nutritional indiscretions known as "picnic season."

It's also been brought to the attention of columnists and fans around the country that many Major League parks are hawking all manner of food items, in every section, at all times. I think we here at Gritty & Clutch(and all sensible thinking persons past, present, and future) agree that this is a significant attempt to undermine the efforts of the warriors of the diamond and distract them from what it means to be an athlete - and how to do things the right way, with heart, and without sustenance.

The Yankees need to humble themselves and draw inspiration from those who have come before. The Yankees rise to real prominence in the 1920s and 1930s coincides almost exactly with the tutelage and struggle for Indian independence from Great Britain by one Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi. And from what this radio host remembers from that one World History class that I attended as a sophomore in high school, Gandhi was hungry a lot. The Yankees can't ignore their role in destiny and the undeniable, non-tenuous connection this makes. Hunger is a part of their past, it must be a part of their future. Gandhi's hunger strike tactics worked so well that he posted a blistering line of .406/.553/.735 in 1941 (editor's note: this may have been Ted Williams).

What's next for these pampered crybabies? Water? You know how when the ground dries out because it hasn't rained in a while, completely free of the needs and weight of the most common substance on the planet, and it becomes airborne and creates a cloud of blue collar pride? Yes, my friends, that is Grit. And Grit with water is just mud. Think about it.

It Had to Happen Eventually

2008-05-14T19:26:00.006-05:00

Dusty Baker has Corey Patterson batting leadoff for the Cincinnati Reds.

Corey currently has a .286 OBP. Last year with the Orioles he had a .304 before being released. His career mark is .297. I think we can rest assured these basepaths will remain clear of clogging.

No More Heroes

2008-05-14T12:41:00.011-05:00

Apparently Albert Pujols isn't that interesting.

A-Rod hasn't earned hero status yet. The Yankees average start doesn't have every single one of us glued to our sets. None of this compares to our angelic heroes of the late nineties and early aughts of Bonds, McGuire, and Clemens.

At least that's what Mike Celizic suggests in his latest of innocent baseball musings.

First he waxes nostalgic about the Wonder Years when Kevin Bonds Arnold & Winnie McGuire Cooper were hitting those heroic and clutch-tastic home runs that had us all wondering when Kev's older brother Wayne Clemens would hopefully come in and charge the batter rather than the other way around. Moments we didn't want to miss indeed! Oh yeah, he almost forgot to mention that they "might" have had a 'roid issue.

Good ol' Mike spends the rest of his time realizing his grievous error of ignoring today's gritalicious and clutcherific stories. He does his best to apologize and acknowledge-if-we-have-to: Cliff Lee doing his best Cy Young impersonation, Brandon Webb is getting an 8-and-O-K start I guess, and there might be decent batting going on with some cat named Pujols and his whole getting-on-base-every-other-at-bat thing.

You see, this silly sport just isn't worth watching without our juiced up heroes. Fifty home runs is ho-hum and sitting through a boring complete game shut out is booooooring. Our modern great pitchers can't strike out 20 per game, Mike? Really? The other three times it happened in baseball history must've really impressed you.

And Grandma Maddux is sitting on 250 wins. That's pretty good for an old guy. Wait...you mean THREE HUNDRED FIFTY, right? Right. Blame the fact-checker, I say. We have heroes to worship!

Because Good Teams Form Voltron

2008-05-13T23:16:00.008-05:00

And 137 million doesn't buy heart.

Following a 3-2 loss to the Kansas City Royals in the Heartland tonight, every radio show host in the country (or at least the six or seven following two teams struggling below .500 in markets ESPN couldn't give two shits about) came to the same sensible conclusion: The Detroit Tigers don't have any heart, and they don't know the meaning of the word team.

To paraphrase Hall of Fame broadcaster Denny Matthews, it looked like the Tigers were playing as nine individuals out there. Optimists point out this is a huge improvement over playing as say, eight individuals, without a left fielder (though the exhumed corpse of Gary Sheffield isn't exactly one complete one), kinda like the scenes in Necessary Roughness where that dumb slow linebacker who acts as the antagonist keeps sacking a 110 year old Scott Bakula because they insist on playing without a left guard. Also, playing as 10 individuals makes rule sticklers, such as the umpires and the opposing team, throw a tantrum.

I think what we all know is that good teams with good players form into one huge cohesive unit, and all insist on entering the batter's box and heading atop the pitching mound together. These statpadders have clearly not read the rule changes from 2003 that negate home runs that aren't done in the spirit of winning as a team. Fucking Tigers. I bet they'd like to score those runs for the other team if they weren't alienating the scoreboard guys in the clubhouse all the time.

Post game chatter mostly involved pining for one Brandon Inge, or as we like to call him, Mr. .304 Career OBP. Clearly putting a tubby Miguel Cabrera (career .385 OBP, .922 OPS) or a non-glue sticky Carlos Guillen (career .359, .808 OPS) taking these atbats is killing this team from the inside, as these players spend far too much time getting on base to look at pictures of their teammates' kids. The Tigers strategy could have been a good one, with Inge now no longer having to interrupt his stories and goodwill chemistry type gritty leadership making to say, step in the ondeck circle and then ground into quick outs.

Of course, the problem is that since Inge no longer touches the field, he needs to find ways to get closer to the people who really need to be exposed to his clutchiness. Maybe they should make him the bullpen catcher. Then, perhaps Verlander's hurt elbow will learn what it means to be part of a cohesive unit. Perhaps he and Kenny Rogers can take a stroll around the park after the game, and Kenny will forget that he is 75 years old and being watched closely by the boys in blue. Because this unit is lost without a mentor, and these wounded pitching ligaments don't know how to play the game the right way. This team is one Brandon Inge seminar away from having that 5.03 team ERA, 1.52 team WHIP plummet I tell you.

(Also: I just noticed that Miguel Cabrera's Baseball Reference page is sponsored by LeanBodyFitness.com. I love America.)

Remember When? A Look Back at 4 Days Ago

2008-05-13T16:48:00.005-05:00

In light of not being able to consider a better way to start the show, I'd like to make a set of dedications in the style of rap album liner notes.

Perhaps the topsoil is no longer suitable for things like "growing food" or "sustainable living", but it still makes some mighty fine grit. I'm happy about this. Without grit, we only have 50% of a show, at least until manual transmissions disappear, and then we have nothing.

Much love to the roughly 39 bazillion sports journalists out there with absolutely nothing better to do than take pictures of Matt Leinart in a hot tub or be forced to listen to Ozzie Guillen press conferences. I feel your pain. I really do.

Props to Robert Downey Jr., despite the fact that I went to see your movie hoping it was a heart wrenching tale about playing both sides of the ball in a much gritter time and all you did was wear a mustard and ketchup colored metal suit.

To that one guy who accidentally accessed this page by random, here's a glass tip to you. It gets better. And then you can brag to all your friends about how you were there first, even though they will be wearing the intentionally distressed Gritty & Clutch logo T-shirt and saying they were there with us all the way back to 06, even though I didn't meet Gritty until almost 2 years later. My advice is to leave a particularly incendiary or foolish comment so that you can achieve a sort of boring form of immortality.

Of course, here's to God and his love of 24 hour sports coverage. He has gotten lazy in His later years, preferring professional bowling and poker coverage to plagues and famines. It's kind of a wash, if you think about it.

Enjoy the show. Tip your waitresses.

What is Gritty & Clutch?

2008-05-13T14:37:00.000-05:00

Gritty & Clutch is a radio program in the finest tradition of AM discourse intended for only the most discerning of sports afficionados. These are two young voices that understand the value of pompous vitriol, wild exaggeration, arrogant posturing, and wacky sound bites. It airs from 1:00-3:00 AM in Dodge City, KS, Portland, MS, and Celebration, FL.